Silent Holocaust

U adapt,ppl don..

2006-04-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

Monday, 17th April

I have come a long way, it has been awhile since i last updated my blog. Experiencing ups and downs these days. Hey, wait! How long have i not updated? It's like months. Alot of things happened, my grandpa passed away on the 31st March 11.01am. I remembered very clearly. I missed him but i am relieved that he is gone as he doesn't have to go through all those pain again and again. Look! He is 91yrs old and diagnosed with Lungs Cancer last stage, realistically speaking, how long can he last? It's already a blessing that he got to live sooo long. For awhile i thought everything just crumbled, but hey no it didn't.

I've practically lost contact with everybody from secondary school except a few as i have been busy with my work all that and my precious gf. Although there have been ups and downs, but our passion for each other just kept us going and going. 6months and 3 days into our relationship, i love her more and more. admit it,i just cant do without her. Just a week away from school, i swear i will miss her dearly and no one would replace her in my heart for my heart can only contain a special her,her and only her.

As for myself, i'm still the same old me, not dead yet, far from it..HAHA! As i gets older and older, my dream just fades away like nobodys business. In singapore, you cant follow your passion you see, why? Does your passion brings you meals? No it doesn't. Even if it does, how many can actually boast of such feat may i ask you? Sometimes, talent brings you nowhere, it's the luck that counts but do i have luck with me? An obvious no. Come on peeps, stop living in denial mode, nobody is gonna adapt to you and your ways. If you wanna live, You adapt! It's the other way round, kids.

Some just cant wait for school to start but anyone i know can tell you that i dread going to school, even it means a change in environment. I don't see why i can perks up for school. But hey, know what? I'm seriously getting pretty excited by the prospect of taking IT at Ngee Ann. It seems fascinating to me and the fact that my interest lies in that field, it could really open up! Now as i sit facing this notebook churning out words, i felt a restlessness in me that have never been experienced. And you know what? Under my mask are ideas, and ideas can't be penetrated by any other things. Familiar? Hugo Weaving will tell you everything you wanna know from what i said. How true it is that ' Strength through Unity, Unity through Faith'

Peeps, now that i'm done, i wish everybody the best for the rest of the year.

Swoooosh~

Fear is overwhelming

2005-12-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, 6th Dec

I don't know what got into me. I couldn't explain why i am loving and missing Rachel more and more by the day. When you got hold of something, obviously you are reluctant to let it go. I really fear that while both of us are working, the time of seeing each other is lesser and hence distant away from her. I hate to think like that but i have to be mentally prepared for this. It's not as if i don't trust her or what. I do trust her. I really do. I don't know what my life will be like without her seriously, she is my everything. Nothing,and i mean nothing can replace her in my heart. My heart can only contain only Rachel, Rachel and Rachel. Once i'm into relationship, i always do my utmost part to be faithful, i never for once look at other girls once i am into it, in a way i am very committed. Some might be skeptical towards this statement of mine, i don't give a damn whether you people choose to believe it or not.

I really only want to be with her no matter what it takes. What do u do when love and fear collides at the same time? For me in this case, once Fear is present, there is no way you can escape. Luckily for me, after repeated assurance from her, did i calm down again. I've never been in a relationship before, hence the nickname of being called n00bs by fellow peers but not once did i pay much attention to it, i guess so. Nono! i am sure.

If it means laying down my life for her to live happily without worries, i wouldn't hesitate to do so, i swear. I would do anything,and i mean anything just for her to be happy.

When she's happy, i'm happy.

I never wanted much, i am easily contented, just seeing her will make my day, seriously ok. Haha! She is very cute and shy especially when i look at her, she will look away and smile. My interpretation might not be good but it surely melts my heart. The charm and class she exudes can't be described. I guess i will never regret i met her. And thanks to my tuition teacher, Mr John Seow, did i get to know her.

I am down but i am not out yet. I guess i am kinda affected by the Euphoria generated by the surrounding. Currently, due to my Grandma's health, i'm kinda down but if not for her, i would have lost the will to live and fight on. Thanks Rachel for standing by me all this while. As long as i live, i swear i won't disappoint you.

You are The One. =]

Exhausted

2005-11-30T04:38:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, 30th Nov

It has been a long time since i last posted, i admit that i am very tired. I am longing for a rest but can i get one? I doubt so. Although O levels is over but the aftermath isn't any much better. Don't get misunderstood that i am tired with my girlfriend. I swear i truly love her and miss her[she's in malaysia currently]. I just can't find any reason not to like her, she is the light at the end of tunnel, she brought me the much needed joy and warmth which i lacked last time. She is a bundle of joy. Boy, i never felt so at ease with a girl before, with her, i can talk to her about anything, nothing to pull me back. She's currently in Malaysia, but her heart is with me, i can feel that. She loves me for who i am-i'll remember that for a long time to come.

Now come the blow, my dearest grandma is currently and is in NUH right now. Her absence is dearly felt by every members of my family. My family members are tired. They have to juggle between work and to visit my grandma in the hospital. I felt useless, i cant do anything to help her. I have to shuttle between the hospital to visit my grandma and back home to look after my grandpa. From time to time, i have to cook and buy meals for my granpa. For the past few days, it was totally tormenting for me. I was working back then, selling Toshiba laptops at Expo, the thing is that i practically got to stand for the whole day and my legs were crumbling upon reaching home. I was tired. It was practically senseless, i am lost. If not for Rachel, i would not have tahan for so long. I need a breather but can i? I doubt so. The only enjoyable time is when i get to see Rachel, only then was i very relaxed and happy.

Talking about today, I went to Lot1's Suki Sushi for interview as waiter. I was very reluctant open reaching, the atmosphere was very cold. I didn't want to work there afterall, i went back to Jurong Point. Asking around Bossini and Giordano, unfortunately for Bossini, they are only looking for full timers but for Giordano, the polite cashier gave me a number to call to see whether is there a need for part timers. I did called but to no avail.

I went to watch Chicken Little and wasn't very impressed with it. Perhaps i was affected by Rachel's temporary departure and my grandma's state, i clearly didn't enjoy the show at all. The show clearly didn't justify the 8bucks i paid for it. Now whenever i see those 'roadside performers' or those elderly/physically handicapped selling tissues;etc, i swear i would do my every bit to help. I think i'm in a position to help them so why not. I didn't do that to impress people or what. i just did what i feel i need to do.

Just like what chicken little said: Everyday is a new day

Dear Rachel, I'm longing for your return as soon as possible.

As for my grandma, every moment, i am praying for her imminent recovery.

God Bless Everybody related to me. Thanks. =]

Accidentally in luv?

2005-10-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 16 Oct

Okay,i'm revealing it.

It all started 2 months ago during my tuition lesson. My tuition mate, Karen brought her friend to our class, at first i thought she won't be here to stay, perhaps just 1 lesson i guess so i didn't think much about it. But on the subsequent lesson, i was surprised to see her again but we did not talk at all. It was until Karen gave me her email add then i added her to my MSN. We began chatting, she's a fun-loving girl and loves to 'do' songs. It didn't really progress much till when she was about to offline, she told me her mobile number although i did not request for it. So as usual, i sent a couple of those good night messages to some of my friends and i thought, why not send to her? And i did, ok

She did replied me with one of her own. She's here for only 4 lessons and during the second lesson, it was quite late and so i accompany her home as in take the same bus, we talked and talked, it was the fastest journey home ever from tuition, and i hate it! ARGH! She is very nice to me, and i mean VERY nice ok. Fast forward to Friday when she told me she likes me, and i know in my mind that i share the same thought but due to the impending O levels examinations, i kept my feelings checked, only revealing it bit by bit. We promised to talk about it after exams as our main priority is the O levels.

As a matter of fact, i know alot of guys are asking her out but she's still waiting for her prince charming i guess. She told me she was very glad that she met me through tuition and it has been a long time since she showed such strong feelings towards a guy and i know i can't let her and myself down.

She is very pretty, charismatic, shy, nice to me and so on...I'm just running out of superlatives to lavish on her. The most important thing is that she likes me and the same for me.

She told me she would not look at other guys except me, i was smiling to myself there other day when she told me that but she feared i would drool upon seeing pretty girls but how can i prove it? Even if i tell her that i won't, there's still some doubts u see.

Whatever it is. My heart can only contain you,you and you.

Urgency resounded

2005-10-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 15 Oct

For the past few weeks, i have been thinking what will it takes for my knowledge in chemistry to take flight, but expectedly, i found no answer. Yes, this issue is urgent and i am urged by people everywhere to go for tuition in chemistry and i appreciate their advise. I'm not going to sit back and let people take pot shots at me, that would be so gay. Okay, today is saturday, and it is right for students to relax and plan their next steps but time is certainly running out. No more room for luxuries, what should i do? Dilemma aplenty...

Perhaps i should look at it positively, you see, after the O levels, i got plenty of time to do what i want provided that nothing happen to me. Haha! Hmmm, i plan to get a job during the holidays but it's still early days to think about such stuffs, but i thought it's good to plan ahead? Look towards the future as my principal always empasised to me when she saw me. Look, I'm sick and tired of it and i can even recite it from the back what she is going to say, exageration only lah. Haha! Some call it tua kang.

EPL resumes after 2 weeks break, what does that means? my beloved Manchester United travelling to Sunderland taking on the ailing club which i think will be relegated, no offense but that's just my point of view. Anyone begs to differ? I'm giving you the go ahead, no, u did not see wrongly my child.

There's this girl who treats me very well, i don't want to let her down...

That's all i'm going to say. Some things are not meant to be known

curiousity kills...

O's Fatale

2005-10-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 13 Oct

It has been awhile since i last posted. I just cannot squeeze in any time to post as i'm suffocated with tons and tons of schoolwork, when will it ever end? I can understand for the sudden pressing need for remedials as O level is zooming in and frankly,i'm grateful for the efforts the teachers put in, but what do we do? We whine and complain...

For the past few weeks,exams has been dominating the agenda and while it was over, and when i do want to post but i can't! What happened!? I don't know, serious. Not to leave out, today the day some have been yearning for, yes, it's Graduation Night. Guess what? There's still school as usual when other schools doesn't even have lessons on Graduation Night and yet we have. The worst thing is there's still school the next day. I'm baffled by the school's decision but what i can assure is this will not be overturned no matter how tired we are. 'Live with it' is written all over it. Need i say more?

give me a break.

2005-09-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

Friday, 23 September

The reason for the absence of my post is simply because of exams, for the past few days, i was sort of mentally drained out as i have to cope with so much facts at the very last minute. As for today, it's the longest paper to date, 2 hour 15 mins, Geography, non-stop of writing, i can felt that that my hands are numb after the paper, i hate geography paper very much.
Hmmm, you know what? for the past few days, i have been waking up at 5am in the morning to do some last minute revision, sometimes, i was too tired that halfway through the revision, i would doze off.

Yes! Finally i can get some rest as tomorrow is Saturday, finally can sleep longer but i got tuition from 12pm to 6pm, what the fuck! 6 hours of maths will do me good, no doubt but isn't that too much considering the fact that i have been slogging out for the past few days, this arrangement from my teacher couldn't have come at a worse time. What to do? Complain also no use, but really, i should appreciate it as he is doing it for free, yes, it's free.

During the course of this week's exam, luckily for someone who kept by side smsing and chatting with me or i don't know how i am going to endure. But i broke someone's heart, i said that i would never talk to her again, but i doubt so. She must be very mad at the moment, despite smsing me and talking to me through msn, i stand firm, i did not reply.
As for why i did this, i will not post it, give me some space ok?

How am i going to redeem myself? What say you? =(

Prelim week

2005-09-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 17 Sep

Been busy these few days that i don't have to time to post anything. Comes the weekend and finally a week for me to rejuvenate myself for the upcoming exam. Just had the English Paper 1 and 2, i think it's smooth sailing so far, but when i always think i would do well, i will falter, how i wish i wouldn't be on the chopping board this time round.

Today? Saturday means nothing to me, especially this week as the exams are near, i need to study on weekend so that i will have more time to study on other subject. Heard that Social Studies need to study alot, hmmm, i will probably study some on today and study the rest on monday. As for tomorrow, i'll just spend my time on Mother Tongue. That's my plan but i don't know whether it's going to work for me as i'm lazy. =x

Blah blah blah yada yada yada...

Feeling good.

2005-09-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 13 Sep

Why am i feeling good? hmmm, perhaps because i help TongJin complete his artefact today? Maybe. I just felt everything is very fine today, don't why also. After school, went to parade square with Arjunan and friends for some kick about. After playing soccer, i decided not to go for maths remedial simply because it's very very bored in class. You won't know what it's like so there isn't a need to elaborate further. So en the route to pick up my bag, saw my good friend, Lim Meng Hung.

Initially, i planned to go computer lab to do some printing for my DNT project but sorry, out of bound! Sheesh, after much persuasion from that brat, haha, we went to library to chit chat. Yes,chit chat! You did not see wrongly. Guess what? I saw Eilly there copying the textbook, haha! that's the punishment meted out by who else but Mr Yip, that's what you gonna get for not going to remedial they told me. Tough luck, why? Mr Yip is not
even their physics teacher yet he punished them. Damn suay!

So i went to chat with her for awhile and then MengHung left yada yada yada......

After Eilly left,i guess i got nothing else to do but to go home but i did not lah, went to DNT room, unsurprisingly TongJin was there, struggling.
What do you expect me to do? I can't possibly stand there and watch right
, i pity him so i went to help him complete his artefact lor but sadly it can't work.

Went home after that......

Respect No more.

2005-09-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

Friday, 9 Sep

To me, this topic is taboo these days. How much is respect actually worth? Well,when everything goes well, respect goes out of window between teachers and students. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going, respect comes right in the picture when it ain't smooth sailing for the teachers. Puzzled why i bring this up? Of course i got a reason for doing so, the friction is always there yesterday night when i went for tuition. It was shockingly 'cold', the atmosphere i mean. At first, everything was well and rosy until i couldn't stand his crazy antics, a couple of times, i insulted his professionalism. Aww, i went in too harsh?
That's when he barks back.

It was my fault i must admit, the lack of respect showed towards him ruined the great relationship we once shared. At about 1am plus yesterday, he smsed XiaoXin an essay comprising of 9 messages in total, lamenting on the lack of respect shown to him by both of us and assuming that we found him inefficient which is so untrue. Frankly speaking, he is one great teacher i ever met, and he will 'go down the history' as one of my favourite teacher. No curry flavouring here, i am just speaking the truth.

What a bad day to kickstart Friday, i believe that i will have to gear myself up for a tough next lesson with him, hopefully the 'conflict' can be resovled as soon as possible with ease.

It seems that this game is so popular these days...

Blame Game.

Avalanche?

2005-09-06T17:55:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 6 Sep

I just felt that there is an overwhelming quantity of everything i am involved at the moment. All right, talking about yesterday, at first it was fine, and i mean perfectly fine then at about 11? She asked me a question, maybe i was over sensitive about that question that i gave a nonsensical answer. How silly i am? From then on, it snowballed from a small argument to a pretty big one. I tell you, it rocked me pretty hard too. She was angry and at the same time, sad. I know i'm a bastard, making a girl sad and angry, i think she cried, i couldn't sleep well last night, perhaps that's why i am feeling so lethargic. Who knows?

Mrs Hong's lesson started at 8am today and ended at 10am. That's the longest 2 hours i ever had throughout my entire life! Damn it! i was practically wasting my life away listening to her. But i can't deny the fact she IS a good teacher, i know that if she wasn't there to teach us today, i would still be seeping my vodka, dreaming. After that was DNT throughout, although it was energy draining, i actually enjoyed myself with the whole class, lesson was very fun, I'm loving it.

After some persuasion from Hui Wen, Hui Ying took a couple of photos of me and others with their workpiece, i will upload it later on in my blog. Hahaha! Tell you what, VP was also in one of the photos taken, nothing big lah i know but it's worth a mention isn't it? The photos weren't taken very nicely but we must appreciate Hui Ying's effort lah. Haha! *clap clap*

She just sms me using other people's phone i think. I hope everything will be ironed out tonight.

One more chance?

2005-09-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 4 Sep

Went to watch One More Chance with MengHung and XiaoXin yesterday, for every light side of the movie, there is always some heart wrenching scenes. At the very beginning, it really was very funny, Mark Lee never fails to amuse me with his jokes. Mark Lee starred as 'Ah Huang', who was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment by the judge for cheating, leaving behind his pregnant wife. Life was difficult as first for him but soon with the aid of his prison mates, they slowly and surely became very good friends. Ah Huang was very sad that everytime his wife came to see him in prison with their daughter, he can't hold her, let alone carry her. That part for me was very touching.

10 years passed, Huang, together with his best friend Kwang(sentenced to 10years also for illegal gambling) were released. Upon seeing their wives, Kwang dashed over and hugged her but it wasn't so rosy for Huang, who was like an alien to his wife. Never the less, Huang went to fetch his daughter in school, he brought her to movies,Sakae Sushi and when they reached home, Huang was scolded for persuading his daughter to skip lesson even though he don't know that she got lessons that day.

On the day of his wife's birthday, Huang went to pawn his Rolex watch in order to buy a ring for his wife. He went home and personally cooked the dinner, they were preparing a surprise for his wife but upon opening the door, there's another man behind his wife, Huang immediately kept the ring he bought. Yada yada yada...

Okie so, Huang decided to have a fair competition with the other guy who was very economically stable. In order to compete with him, he needs a decent job. With his qualification, he can easily be a manager but because of his 'record', nobody dares to employ him. During one of the interview, the interviewer asked him to go back and wait for a call, in a moment of anger, Huang snapped back. He said "If you don't want to employ me, just tell me now! Don't give me false hope! The Judge sentenced me only 10 years in jail, you sentenced me to death! "

Even his daughter starts to distance herself away from him because her friends start mocking at her, even his wife decided enough was enough, refusing to let him fetch her from now on.

During one of the school days, it was raining cats and dogs, Huang hid behind a tree peeping his daughter, but she doesn't have umbrella with her and her mum wasn't there yet. So Huang went to buy an umbrella, using a wooden paper box to cover his face, in order not to let her classmates see him, he told her to wait there for her mother after giving her the only umbrella, as he was leaving, he fell and injured himself, yet he still doesn't want his daughter to get wet, telling her to wait there for her mother, His wife's lover car was parked opposite, they saw everything, she was touched. Need i say anymore?

When they went home, his wife saw a ring and asked him whether did he pawned his watch off, and yes he said. But Huang gave up, blaming himself not being able to give his family happiness, his lover on the other hand did not force her to marry him, reminding her to consider whether she still like Huang anot. On the day of his 'wife' wedding, he was there to witness everything. Did she marry him? Did she decided to choose Huang instead? I shall not reveal anything anymore, watch yourself!

It was a good show......to me at least, it was.

I just felt that whenever we did something wrong, that mark will forever be etched onto people's mind, although they say they won't be bias against you, i know they will.

It's such a cock society. ='(

why some does it and some don't?

2005-09-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 3 Sep

My morning couldn't have been more worse. Some forums thingy is driving me mad. There is this s*** who keeps posting and requesting the moderator to ban certain people because she thinks that they are clones, yes, nothing but clones! Last time i used to think that banning them was the best way to resolve all this but i was proved so wrong. ditzy, my mmt2 brother[haha!] enlightened me somehow, he has been there and done that, banning them will not help at all, they will just register another account and log in again. So what's the point of banning them right?

But this s*** just couldn't get that straight into her head, her unrelenting pursuit of wanting them to be banned just is that incredible, creating an unwanted mayhem in the forums. not too long ago, i private messaged the moderator about some clones lurking around in the forum but she did not even reply me. WTF! i thought, she pmed me and i replied but not vice versa. I was very mad at that moment i must admit but after some time, i realised that if she does reply me, it wouldn't have been fair to those forumites out there.

ditzy and i had a mini argument, a healthy one to be exact. he said that i don't understand some things but i beg to differ, i always thought that i know it but only time will tell. And i trust him not to lead me astray, he is a very outspoken person in the forumite, making many enemies along the way, maybe me too, influenced by him, sometimes, joining him in some flame wars where we will not not lose, never once did we lose cause we are the mmt2 brothers, how many times must i say?

ditzy is about 25 years old, currently in OZ, returning to Singapore this christmas, hopefully can learn a thing or two out from him. He is a master in making people looking like fools, serious, he is great in his words, no doubt about that.

ditzy said that i will pick all these things up someday.

And i believe i will.

What nonsense?!

2005-09-01T16:35:00.000-07:00

Thursday, 1 September

Do the Singapore Sports School really have the cream of the crops? I certainly doesn't think so. Yeah, i know that it such a long time ago but i still bring it up. This is totally atrocious. I was stunned when someone wrote in forums saying that the government did a brilliant job and that every talent are already in that school itself. I didn't understand that because i totally disagree with it.

You see, many talents of the respective sports forgo the trial at the Sport School because mainly the school fees aren't cheap, and it's very troublesome because you need to repeat your studies in some cases which makes it look absolutely silly to do that. I know you are trying to say that scouts are being dispersed to those sporting events in the hope that they can find The One. But what i can say is that no one will be on top of their form everytime, every sportmans has their ups and downs. What if when those Real Stars did not perform on that particular days and those fringe players luckily play well, so of course those scouts will pick those who are on top form on that day, leaving those real stars out. That's a shame i tell you.

And i know that some people are more than capable of making it into SSS but their family finance doesn't permit them to do so. What a shame.

I felt that it's time that the government review this issue and execute the right plan to resolve all these craps.

Down and Out.

2005-08-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 30 Aug

Ok, first thing first, did i offend any ghost during the seventh month? Why? Because nothing seems to be going my way! I don't know what i must do to turn the tide.

I'm useless. I'm hum ji. I'm a failure. All these are too common, i have been hearing it from people aimed towards me all the time. And now what, someone i thought is my very good friend is sort of angry with me, not chatting with me like she normally does. What have i done to deserve this? You tell me!

Everything, everybody, is turning their back against me.

I no longer understand the world anymore.

Yada yada yada.

2005-08-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 30 Aug

I was late today for school for the fourth time this term, not the kind of record i would be proud of but i am quite relax about it because Guan Soon is the school's record holder -16 times late that is- I thought i would be suspended up until recess but Mr Ang was kind enough to let me go early, keep nagging me...Yada yada yada...

Released at 8.40am, next lesson on the agenda, E Maths, sian. I initially look forward towards tomorrow because there is no lesson prior to the teachers day celebration. Glad to hear from Mr Lee that no Maths remedial today because he is in charge of some talk i believe, don bother too much anyway, none of my business. Xiao Xin have remedial up until 4pm which means i have to find something to first because we planned to go Jurong Point today, he wanted to get a ring. Yes! A ring! Off i went to find Mr Foo who reluctantly opened the technical room for me to use, actually i just wanted to lacquer my pine wood, after that off i go. You see, i cannot do much, he wants to leave at 3.30pm and that time is around 3pm which leaves me about 30 more minutes to do which is obviously not enough to do other things.

At the stroke of 3.30pm, Kar Wen,Vanessa and WeiWei came, and i don't know how they persuade Mr Foo to push back the time to go home. Since he is not closing the room at 3.30pm, i went to sought his help over my artefact's handle, and he gladly helped me do with ease which left me wondering. Haha!

Yes, 4pm finally, Xiao Xin and i made our way to Jurong Point and we saw Hui Wen and her friends there getting some birthday presents for their friends and rope us in to pay. Haha! So thirsty i was at that time, i went to get a drink and saw Grace and her gang there also.I did not call out to her though because i don't want malu myself in public lah.

Eileen called after awhile, asked me where i was and yes, she is coming to Jurong Point at about 5.30pm so i waited. 6pm, she called me again, saying she is coming but XiaoXin and me were already making our way out of Jurong Point, yet again, it was a tad too late. I did not wait for her.

Sorry.

Yes, i gave up.

2005-08-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

Monday, 29 Aug

After much thought, i realised that all these while, i am just being the extra. Although i cannot deny that i am disappointed but this is the only way to end it, simple yet sweet for them that is. Everytime i thought that there's still a glimmer of hope but that has been dashed. It did not help me in any way when not only one time did i saw them so close, so 'couply'.
And everytime i saw that, i always delayed my return to my seat. I don't know why am i doing this, is it natural? I don't know. I know people will say i'm useless and stupid to do that, not summoning enough courage to talk to her seems to pave the path for him to enter the 'race'.

Seriously, i realised that both of them are just like newly wed couples, and i being the third party, trying to break them up. I don't know why i am thinking that either. Yes, i am pessimistic, but please keep the criticisms to yourself. As compared to him, i am no way near him, in term of ability, although i think i am better than him but that counts for nothing. During her absence, i can't deny that i really missed her but what do u want me to do? Call her everyday? that will freak her out for sure, i can assure you that. For the past 1 1/2 years, sitting beside me is just like sitting with no one. I cannot understand why i usually can talk so much with others yet so little with her. This question will remains unanswered i believe.

Why i gave up? I just have to be frank to myself, i am certainly no where near what she wants from a guy. The change of heart had not been helped by that fact that i just made a friend, she is brilliant, to say the least, i can almost say every secrets i have to her without fear, and she on the other side enjoys my company, it takes 2 hands to clap, i know, that's why i chose to give up her because with just 1 hand, your not going to clap. Okok, that's lame i know. Don't get me wrong, she did not say she like me and vice versa but i seems to be able to rattle off everything to her.

While she was at home recuperating, i just hope that she will be back to her best, health wise, and return to school as soon as possible because she already missed a whole chunk of August. Although she is simply great in her studies and she does her revision at home, there is still a cause for concern. Ok, now i am revealing names. Only Hui Wen knows that i am giving up and she keeps questioning me why, i am always shunning to answer her. Now, here's the answer, this pursuit is taking on my toll.

Call me whatever names u can possibly think of but i will stand firm on my decision. I know that someday i will look back and think i made the right decision.

I can assure that i never for once regret what i did, and i believe i never will.

Good luck to 'HX', i am backing him to succeed where i failed.

This ends another chapter of my life, moving on with life, i will.

Please give me some comments.

Si Ginna!

2005-08-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 27 Aug

Dnt lesson took up almost about half of saturday, i was late for the lesson though. We were supposed to reach at 8.30am but i reached there about 9am. I just walked in like i normally does, Mr Leow didnt notice it neither do Ms Haznita,who i think probably will not make a hill out of a mole like Mr Leow.

Frankly speaking, when i completed the top half of my project, it wasn't promising because i am short of ideas on how to continue from then on. I practically wasted 2 hours in the technical room walking around and helping Guo Ming. Until Mr Chua who was kind enough to enlighten me then do i know how to do. My project is basically about transporting RC oil-run car. I proceeded to make the handle using pine wood and acrylic, but i did not beautify them by spraying it.

After i completed my handle, the time read at about 2.30pm and Mr Leow decided to call it a day. Man! I was lacquering half way, now i lost count on how many coating have i applied. I called Guo Ming after dnt to arrange to play Daytona at Jurong Point's arcade. After a few rounds, he left as he got something on, then i was left there, alone that is. That's when Eileen come into picture, she sms me saying she will be going there to play also at about 4.45pm so with ample of time, i went to library to borrow a book, titled Gateway From Hell.

After that, i went to arcade again and with some credits still left in my Tapz card, i play another round of Daytona. Aha! That's when 2 idiots came in and have their card tapped on the reader, damn it, my intention was to play Advanced but they chose the beginner course. Majority wins! That means i have to play the same course as them too. Okok, i tolerate first, but my anger has not been helped by the fact that they were not there to race, they were there just to inflict misery on me by keep sandwiching me. Tamade! What was that for!? Although i managed to get second, it wasn't a fair race. Never mind, i shall not let the anger get the better of me. So they decided to have a second go at me by playing Advanced course, they were digging their own grave i sensed. Happily i played with them. From the start to the finish, they never pass me at all, all i did was to make sure i was consistent in the drifting. I even lapped one of the idiot, leaving him in no man's land. Haha! Well, this race was one of my most consistent race because neither did i understeer nor oversteer, that's important and picking the right line was the first step to victory.

After i crossed the finished line, both turned and looked at me, not beliving what they had just saw. I being the more evil sort, gave them a Fucked up stare. I left.

Revenge was sweet. =D

I waited for Eileen but she haven't come so i went home, haha, when i alighted, then she replied me. Haha! Saying she was on the way but too late liao. I was already under my block.

Too bad.

Die!

2005-08-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 24 Aug

The title sums up the whole thing, didn't it? Poor day in general, no doubt. Woke up at 5am to do some last minute revision, but just can't drill all those facts into my head, i don't know why also, is it because of...
Nah, i don't want to go into details.

How poor is my day? First 2 periods chemistry and physics test, third period Geography test. As for the chemistry and physics test, it really left me in no man's land, simply because i am not sure how to do for chemistry, totally clueless. As for Physics? Not that bright either. I believe that i will do quite all right for geograhpy because there are so much things to write about really! If time permits, i would have go on and on but unfortunately i didn't write all the points. Sian!

Although after the tests, it did left me me in a more relaxed mood though, during recess, same old thing, went to buy bread and drinks and went back class to play daidee.Daidee God i am! Haha! i am thick skin? Haha!
I believe my victories did justified why the title. No boasting at all!

Damn Guo Ming! He did not go for remedial, never tell me, go home alone! ARGH! i endured for 1 hour with no one to talk to. Gosh!

Tomorrow have DNT test. Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Blah blah blah...

Routine Day...

2005-08-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 23 Aug

As usual, i went to school with a typical student attitude. All the way to school, there were only 2 things that occuppied my mind -Wednesday tests and whether Yvonne is doing well anot-

What can i say for the lessons before recess, nothing short of boring really. Luckily i slept early yesterday or else i would have a hard time keeping awake today. For some lessons,i day dream, for some lessons, i do paid attention. Don't give me that face please, believe me! Come on!
The rain just kept pouring down, what a good weather to sleep but i can't lah of course. Haha!

During the course of mother tongue lesson, i received a message, ohoh, don't let ur mind wander about, it's not what u guys think. Haha! Sian,lesson ends at 4:30pm, what a tiring day it was. Nightmare is far from over, go home still must revise Geography, Physics and Chemistry for the tomorrow's tests. Poor thing, i sense somebody will take mc to skip tomorrow's tests, I don't know why, don't ask me, just my instinct?

Reached home at about 5pm? Ya, i think so. As usual, surf sgForums first before doing anything else.

Die! How? Tomorrow tests! Damn it!

Monday Blues

2005-08-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

Monday,22 Aug.

It isnt the smoothest of day but overall,school day wasn't as bad as i thought it would turn out to be.5am, waking up reluctantly, i went to the hall and took out my Social Studies textbook to study for today's test. I knew at that time,my mind wasn't in the right frame to memorise all those tiny little words but yet i went on and on until about 6am when i cannot take it anymore, i dashed for the bed, within minutes, i slept for about 30mins, at least better than nothing right?

Off to school i went, dragging my legs all the way to the school plus the fact that my stomach aint in the best of state. How worse can this get? Come on, sympathy points please?

Yes, second period, test commenced, i flipped to the last page of the paper and to my relief, the chapter i studied came out. Yoohoo! At least that's consolation for the day.

After PE lesson, it's the boring boring DNT lesson. As usual, Mr Leow stood there talking cock, no surprise at all. Really! 20mins, that's how long everybody endured for. First period of DNT haven't even end and my stomach started growling. I knew it, finally that noise of 'buay song'. I went around telling everybody that i am hungry, nobody pay attention to my grumbling. Sad sia! Haha!

Finally,the bell i have been waiting for, nono, should i say the bell everybody were waiting for? That's recess lah of course! I bought some bread and drinks and went up to the class.

Mr Loh never come.swee swee lah.What does that mean?

Daidee lah! Haha!

One period of English ended and we were supposed to go down for the 'Engineering Exhibition'. After that form teacher period. Yes, the bell for the day came and immediately i left the classroom to get back my textbook which was confiscated earlier and to collect money.

I took 243 and reached home at about 2pm.

Yawn! I'm so sleepy....